Is your Costume “Wuk Up” Ready

Ah boy! 2015 Crop Over right round the corner y’all and with umpteen years of “wukuptology” in my waist I stopped to ponder. As the years of mas roll on I have seen the changing face of our culture in ladies costumes – from the full masquerade splendor depicting the Stories of our Life to the now barely there bikini depicting the Fantasies of our Life.

Not only have the costumes changed but the music as well. Today, we have moved from a melodic, easy paced chip rhythm to the musical vibe that brings the forbidden dance from our souls. This along with the freedom of our society is displayed in the gyrations on the road that bring lustful thoughts to the most saintly of persons.

So with this in mind ….Is your costume “Wuk Up” Ready? To determine this, we must first establish what type of costume you’ve got!

There’s the:

•  Poser – Pure show … No Touchie, Touchie
  Usually found in the Frontline, this is the porcelain doll of costumes (to be seen but not played with). Meticulously bedazzled and hard to miss with its preponderance of plumage rivaling any peacock. These ladies maintain their poised personas all the way to Spring Garden; with hair, nails, make-up and eyebrows on fleek (age appropriate translation..on point) – always camera-ready 24/7. The beauty of these costumes is undeniable and with the accompanying cost, it’s no wonder they don’t want you to touch.
  • Chip Approved – Perfect for a cool ‘chip, chip’ down the road individual
  This costume is probably one of the most daring on the road and I like um. Its wire bra and thong design leaves us men breathless and some females jealous or all out hating of the daring ladies that manage to successfully carry off this look with nothing more than a smile. But alas, if one ventures in at too hectic a gyration it will become a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ (a la Janet Jackson) or cause some trouble with the RSPCA for endangering cats (we Bajans will understand).
  • Jump Ready – Preferred choice of the seasoned reveler.
  This costume is the meat and potatoes of any band. Ample coverage from the top to the boy shorts at the bottom make it perfect for revelers of any physique and most importantly ready for most energetic of movements. Like a Ford, they built TOUGH, so no matter if the bumper get “ben up”, they pooch back like black ants, stick it, balance and DUN it UP.

All that said, no matter which costume you choose, the MOST important rule is to ensure you select the correct size………. I don’t have to spell it out for yuh or do I ? Failing to follow this most important rule could make you the most popular person on social media (not in a good way) and the focus of a few snickers at the office and from “friends”.

Look out fuh me on the road…I will be the one trying to get ‘On pun yuh bumpa , on pun yuh bump’ no matter what costume you choose (lol).

~ Semi Retired Reveller